Rottweiler Soup: Just a Ride
I practically fell into the apartment this lunchtime in my desperation to hear the news, but I only managed to catch the concluding line of the last item: . . . and he was eventually cut free from the...
View ArticleRottweiler Soup: WTF FTW!
Drastic measures are called for when your life has been reduced by officialdom to one endless, mindless, repetitive routine of reading, writing, filing, phoning, moaning, groaning, and grump. The...
View ArticleRottweiler Soup: Rackets Я U.S.
Embassy staff are discouraged from making friends outside of work. Even the best trained, strictest disciplined and most reserved of them could offer up an incautious snippette of information after a...
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Rottweiler Soup: Defence of the Ream
I really must curb my e-Bay addiction Frank Langford, my counterpart in Defense Intelligence, popped into my office from next door around 11.30. I like Frank. We go back a long way. Our time in the...
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Rottweiler Soup: Filthy Slag
A good CIA man always brings his work home with him Strange the designs fate has in store for us. I never imagined in my wildest dreams when I landed in Glyfada that I would be destined to spend most...
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Rottweiler Soup: Kiss Me Where It Smells
Laundry Day Never Fails to Surprise Me I can think of no better argument for involuntary euthanasia than invertebrate fuckwit and leading trade unionist Peter O’Flaherty (EUHUMINT-I19). The man who...
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Rottweiler Soup: The Quality of Mercy
Put Your Clothes On. It’s the Fuck Police! Why do so many high court judges love to be penetrated anally by large-breasted women wearing unfeasibly large strap-ons? It’s a perennial (and perineal)...
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Rottweiler Soup: Empire of the Senseless
Someone’s being supergluing the trees in Herbert Park again New words to learn: mentulate – having a large penis; gland-monkey (sl.) – someone who engages in excessive ingestion of hormones; moinous...
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Rottweiler Soup: What Colour is Your Parasite?
Why Does My Home Smell So Fishy? MI6′s finest, Seymour Stiveley, has broken into my apartment again, the scumbag. He always waits until I’m out. He must be watching from across the road, from Percy...
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Rottweiler Soup: Blow Your Tuneless Trumpet
All the News That’s Shit to Print Surely, Joe, if the Irish government was taking the homeless off the streets, rounding up Travellers, street artists, circus performers, all those emigrants who’ve...
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Rottweiler Soup: Corporal Chalkie
That Cocaine Gets Everywhere If You’re Not Careful. Just Ask A TD When the streets of Dublin are quiet and all the clubbers who shout their way along Herbert Place have finally disappeared into one...
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Rottweiler Soup: Chivalry
Some of those Arab countries have outrageously strict laws for the pettiest of crimes So, what did I learn from my vigorous interpenetration interrogation of Jane Bondage? Not a great deal. I learned...
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Rottweiler Soup: Devils, Rats and Piggies
This Nouvelle Cuisine isn’t all it’s cracked up to be Every Friday, Frank, Maggie and I go out after work to kick back and mull over the week’s events. Since we have entirely different tastes in food,...
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Rottweiler Soup: Wicked Midnight
Some Tory MPs have their own way of getting five a day Well after everyone at the embassy had finished for the day, I popped back up to make sure the floor was evacuated. I’d told Frank and Maggie...
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Rottweiler Soup: Trouble Down South
Genuine Items from the JFK Assassination Museum: Governor Connally’s ulna, Kennedy’s brain, and the mirrors Oswald used to shoot round corners. I was thinking about Ellie last time we spoke, wasn’t...
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Rottweiler Soup: Hello Cruel World
Oh No, Not the Comfy Chair! Frank was a bit out of sorts today — I met him for a drink in the Shelbourne Hotel — he’d spent most of the day tearing hair out, either his own or someone else’s, down at...
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Rottweiler Soup: Zeroes and Ones
Ever Get the Feeling You’re Being Watched? The sun was setting by the time we left for the ambassador’s residence, nicely sozzled for the party. To be honest, I rarely enjoy parties: as a guest,...
View ArticleMovie Review: Argo
Argo is the end result of a perilous rescue mission. For the hostage, it has been a long road to freedom, but we can now confirm: Ben Affleck is free from his tabloid-friendly past and is now a...
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Rottweiler Soup: So Good It Hurts
Call me old fashioned, but I prefer Ferrero Rocher. The new security measures surrounding the ambassador’s compound are unbelievably vulgar. The guards displayed their weapons like mounted fish, the...
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Rottweiler Soup: Now We Have the Bomb
Britain’s Got Talent is really struggling for contestants this season New words to learn: floughrous – spinning out of control; froadate – nullify, cancel; bhent – a downward spiral; gimnal – a...
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Rottweiler Soup: Only Darkness Has the Power
Fucking Travelodge Never Give You Enough Blankets I found my way down the mini-maze of corridors at the hospital but got held up at the entrance to the crimson wing. I didn’t have the credentials to...
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Rottweiler Soup: Keep On Hoppin’
Don’t Call Me Scarface! You won’t believe the fucking week I’ve had ever since Delia told me I had to get rid of all the booze he sold me, that 200 grand’s worth of coke, try to find someone who...
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Movie Review: Zero Dark Thirty
Kathryn Bigelow has a problem: she may very well be remembered as Hollywood’s representative of the War on Terror. Her last film, The Hurt Locker, was a beautifully-shot and intensely personal view of...
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Rottweiler Soup: Darkness and Doubt
If Only the Pentagon Could Weaponize the Female Orgasm Steve the tapeworm is being a stubborn little bastard right now. I took my third capsule last night, but there’s been no response. He’s...
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Rottweiler Soup: Beaten and Broken
I think the latest Ariel ad campaign has misjudged the mood of the country ‘You fucker. When did you do it?’ Frank’s first response was a watery smile. His second was more assured. ‘You’ve come...
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Rottweiler Soup: Prince of Darkness
Isn’t it spooky the way the i’s follow you round the room? My belly was playing up all last night, and I put it down to nerves or else the whisky working its way through my system. When I went for a...
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Rottweiler Soup: Learning to Live on Your Own
Beggars with animals: Can’t be all that hungry, can they? New words to learn today: bogus – 1) counterfeit, sham 2) excellent, worthwhile; milopherous – designating an eidetic image of a chimera;...
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Rottweiler Soup: When Darkness Falls
Nobody Expects the Spanish Disquisition! Well, this, I think, is what you Irish refer to as a turnip for the books. That is what you say, right? It is not a phrase that I can pretend to understand,...
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